Move Over Miroku, There's a New Pervert In Town
by AnaElise
Summary: Miroku’s not the only pervert in Japan, and this new one’s got his eyes and hands on Sango. Add part Sango, part Miroku, and a whole lot of CRACK, stir vigorously and breath deeply. Best served hot.


Move Over Miroku, There's a New Pervert in Town

* * *

They had been traveling for days now with no village in sight, so it was a nice change to finally come upon an obviously prosperous village. It was a definite improvement over the last village they stayed at not even a fortnight ago.

The last village was a slight disappointment to our weary travelers. It had been plagued by a massive demon that had been wreaking havoc on the village farms. Once the demon was exterminated though, the village could barely afford to spare anything to the heroes besides a dreary, one room closet to sleep in with a moldy, meager dinner.

It was quite a disappointment and they all were acutely aware of the fact that they had had better meals while in the woods, thanks to Kagome's ninja food, than they had eaten at this village, though no one admitted that fact.

But this new village was a wonderful change, and it was easy enough to find lodging at the headman's inn. Miroku didn't even had to exercise an "ominous cloud," for as it happened, a harmless, yet very annoying rat demon had been scaring the local villagers and eating some of their crops. It was Sango who actually exterminated the demon, only needing to heave Hirakotsu once into the rat's large frame before it was completely obliterated. The headman was exceedingly happy to give the Inuyasha gang food and lodging for Sango's success.

"That headman in very attractive Sango, don't you think?"

Sango sighed at Kagome's unending chatter regarding Sango's love life while they unpacked their belongings in the generously large room they had been provided with. Sango was convinced that Kagome thought her to be oblivious to her friend's feeble attempts at playing matchmaking. Sango knew that Kagome wanted her to realize her love for a certain pervert monk by showing her how _disinterested_ she was in other attractive men.

Really it was a fruitless attempt.

Sango was already painfully aware of the feelings she held towards the man of the cloth.

She sighed again.

"Yes Kagome, the headman is very attractive."

Maybe if she agreed the tireless conversation would end.

"He seemed very interested in you; I could tell by the way he kept looking at you while the others were talking."

Sango, too, had noticed the headman's eyes on her during the conversation, but she did not see interest, mainly she saw lust. It was a disconcerting feeling while still dressed in her slayers outfit.

It was clear the Miroku had noticed the headman's eyes as well. The death glare that Miroku was sending the poor man would have had Naraku cowering. It might have been a blessing that the headman was blissfully unaware.

It was at that point that a light knock was heard and Kagome bounded up and across the room to answer it.

"I think it's for you Sango" she giggled and winked.

Sango mentally groaned when she saw the headman at the door.

His smile lit up the room.

"Sango-sama! You are looking beautiful, would you mind taking a walk with me in the garden?"

Sango plastered on the most sincere smile she could come up with. Frankly, she thought it looked more like a grimace but the headman didn't seem to notice.

"I was actually just about to meet Houshi-sama—"

"Sango, don't worry I will tell the others where you are, go on, have fun!"

With her smile still plastered on Sango tried her hardest to glare at Kagome without the headman noticing.

Kagome didn't seem to mind as she ushered, or pushed, Sango into the headman and out the door.

It didn't seem like Sango had a choice in the matter anymore and the headman looked positively delighted at the outcome. He quickly grabbed Sango's hand and dragged her out to the massive garden out back.

The headman stopped so fast Sango almost bumped into him. When he whirled around to face her his lips were so close to hers she didn't even have time to back away from him.

"Sango-sama, I just wanted to thank you again for destroying the demon that was vicously attacking our village. I am forever in your debt."

_Attacking_ was a bit of an exaggeration.

"Really, it was nothing, you have already given us so much—"

The headman quickly swept her into a bone-crushing hug. Could she really not get a sentence in today?

"A woman as beautiful as you is a rare find indeed, and you are so strong as well. I am so grateful you said yes to spending time with me."

Suddenly Sango was aware of a slightly familiar sensation. It was a sensation she was almost all too familiar with but never in this context.

This man, this unfamiliar man, was… groping her!

Groping her in the same fashion that Miroku would grope her!

She tensed, going over all of her options quickly in her mind.

If it had been Miroku she would have slapped him by now, but this was the headman of the village!

She suddenly realized that the man was still groping her and it had already been several seconds too long.

She quickly wiggled out of his crushing embrace.

"I… I uhh…excuse me please." Sango quickly bowed and ran out of the garden, unaware of the quiet monk meditating behind a tree.

At least that's what he told himself he was doing.

Really, he was concentrating as hard as he could not to bury the headman alive.

He had touched her! The vile man had touched _his_ woman in a completely inappropriate way!

Miroku was the only person allowed to touch her like that… well, "allowed" probably isn't quite the right word… tolerated maybe?

You know, tolerated probably wasn't the right word either.

But that was completely beside the point.

This was unacceptable.

How could such a strong woman let a man, a stranger really, feel her up in such an inappropriate way?!

She should have slapped him, or kicked him, or bludgeoned him, anything to make him know that his hands had no place on such a pure and perfect work of art that was Sango's derriere.

Miroku continued to stand behind his tree planning all sorts of possible deaths for the headman until he realized that the headman was no longer there.

Where had he disappeared to?

He couldn't have walked by.

Or maybe he had.

Maybe he had gone to find Sango again. Maybe he wanted to apologize for his past behavior. Or maybe he wanted to try it again.

Miroku took off at a sprint, intent on finding Sango as soon as possible.

After ten minutes of pure agony for the monk, mentally and physically, he found her sitting quietly under a sakura tree polishing Hirakotsu with Kirara sunbathing in her neko form next to her.

"Sango," Miroku panted, "Are you alright?"

Sango looked up at him questioningly and cocked her head a faction to the side.

"I am well Miroku, why wouldn't I be? And why do you look so out of breath?"

Sango was almost positive she saw a faint blush cross his features. But very quickly Miroku returned to his usual form and his labored breathing stopped immediately, his tell-tale grin replacing his worried frown.

"I was just making sure Lady Sango, a beautiful lady such as yourself should never be left alone to chance a meeting with a lecherous deviant planning on taking advantage of such beauty."

Sango raised her eyebrows, "Houshi-sama I think the only lecherous deviant I have to worry about is you."

Miroku chuckled and turned to walk away, "I used to think that as well, Lady Sango."

Sango stiffened her posture immediately.

"You were spying on me Houshi-sama?"

It was more of a deadly accusation than a question really.

"I'm wounded Sango, that you would think I would spy on you in such a perverse manner."

Sango smiled as she went back to work on Hirakotsu.

"Of course, Houshi-sama that doesn't sound like you at all."

She then glanced up and coyly smiled at him.

"The headman is quite the gentleman don't you think?"

Sango had to laugh at the internal struggle Miroku was obviously facing as he fought to keep his expression neutral. The grimace adorning his face was quite comical.

Almost funny enough for her to forget about her anger at Miroku for spying on her.

…Almost.

"Mirkou, how could you spy on me like that?!"

Miroku immediately started to cower in front of the angry demon slayer. He doubted it would matter that he was quietly meditating when Sango and the headman came upon _him._

It really wasn't important that he started avidly watching and listening the second they came within sight.

It also wasn't important that he had planned several different amputation methods for the headman and that offending hand of his.

"Listen, Sango, please! I was only watching out for you for your protection. That heinous headman groped you in a complete inappropriate and public manner and it should not be tolerated! He should be chained up, publically humiliated, stoned in the town square, thrown in the slammer, anything to stop this public discrimination against the beautiful women of this town. It's him you should be after! Not me!"

With a huff Miroku finished his tirade and incessant pacing and glanced up at his suddenly smiling Sango.

Miroku was suddenly very confused, Sango no longer looked angry but… amused.

"You know, Miroku, you're absolutely right."

Miroku was shocked, Sango was agreeing with him?! Well this was an exciting change, maybe he could get out of being pummeled by Hirakotsu or slapped with those beautiful, lethal hands of hers.

She continued to explain her interesting new theory.

"But it shouldn't be just the headman to get those deserving punishments; what about all the other perverts out there? Those other perverts touching the beautiful women of this town? Don't they too deserve these punishments?"

This was going so much better than Miroku could have imagined! He was going to get back at that presumptuous headman as well as any other pervert that tried to touch his woman.

"You know Sango that sounds like a wonderful idea. And just so you are aware I am partial to the stoning idea. Teach those perverts a lesson!"

"Great idea Miroku," she said as she bent down to grab something on the forest floor.

"When do you want to start?" She slowly started tossing a relatively large stone from hand to hand.

Miroku suddenly had the distinct impression that he had walked into a trap.

* * *

Author's Note: So this is the first Inuyasha story I've written. If you feel so inclined tell me what you think, they made this great big button right in the middle there to make your reviewing even easier ; )


End file.
